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The Mars Volta...way over our heads?

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So yesterday I was browsing all the sites I've been missing, and came upon this article on the delightful Mars Volta. It's rather entertaining, and rather true as far as I remember. I suggest you read it, unless you don't have a sense of humor, in which case I suggest you stay away from it. In fact, if you lack a sense of humor, stay away from this post all together.

Anyway, after I finished reading and laughing, I had to grab my iPod, put on Frances the Mute and compare notes. Notice that I'm not linking to the album buy on Amazon (and oh my god, I've done it again...I failed to link to the all seeing, all knowing Amazon.com even there!), because I figure, if you hate that article with all your passion, partially because you know it's true and don't want to admit it, and partially because you actually enjoy this CD because you can't find better music, you probably own the CD already and won't need my help. And if you (after listening to the track, of course!) hate it because you think it's noise...well, chance s are you won't be too intent on buying a copy either. Anyway, listening while reading created more outbursts of laughter, and I decided that in case you haven't heard any Mars Volta songs, you might as well now, and read this wonderful review of it at the same time. Just as a warning, though, I suggest you stay away from drinking anything...here's track 3, "L’via L’viaquez", in all of its 12 minutes and 21 seconds glory, and I might as well present the review of that particular song here, since I know you're all too lazy to click on the links, anyway:

Download: L’via L’viaquez-The Mars Volta

Read: (From Somethingawful.com...)
Track 3: L’via L’viaquez
Oh man, another twelve-minute song. I am kicking myself. Why couldn’t I buy the new Mike Jones album and listen to that instead? Okay, it takes this song forty five seconds to kick in to a bitchin’ guitar solo and some Spanish vocals. The advantage of vocals in Spanish is that if you don’t speak Spanish you can’t understand the stupid shit that this guy is undoubtedly singing. At two and a half minutes in, the singer cues the end of the first part of the song by screaming like a girl a couple of times, and then his voice gets all whispery and queer and the beat goes all salsa and my sensibilities beg for mercy. And as if to anticipate the fact that I was about to say the song couldn’t get any worse, I’m treated to a nice little burst of foul noise. I think the worst part of this song is that, since I took a few years of Spanish in college, I half-understand it but it still makes no sense. It’s like it’s taunting me by putting together meaningless sentences in Spanish, so I can understand the words but can’t parse them into anything meaningful. Okay, back to the slow salsa bit again, and then another grating, squealing miniature guitar solo.

Six and a half minutes in, the stereo channels switch the vocals back and forth in the headphones so it sounds like I’m surrounded by ASSHOLES singing BAD NONSENSE into my FUCKING EARS. It gets even worse around seven minutes and fifteen seconds, because he’s whispering in alternating stereo channels now, so I’m treated to an exciting simulation of going bonkers. Well, I’m eight and a half minutes in, and the song has settled into a dull little Latin shuffle, which is better than annoying noises but worse than nothing at all. Nine minutes brings me another half-cocked guitar solo. Solos this self-consciously “experimental” make me miss radical hair-metal finger-tap solos. That’s sort of like a gangrenous foot making me miss an ingrown toenail. Eleven minutes in, wacky experimental noise. Maybe I’ll get used to it and start liking it! Or maybe I’ll start liking the DMV, or indigestion.

You know, somehow, that really inspired me. And really, what's the fun in downloading random, great songs without some quality entertainment to go along? I think life will be so much more interesting, if, say, I featured a bad song of the day, but not the actual bad songs...the songs everyone claims to love but really, deep down, can't stand. It's no way to make friends, but, what do I care about making friends? However, that does present a slight problem, as I generally like 98.5% of everything I listen to, and that includes the bad music like (and I can't believe I'm admitting this in broad daylight for all to see and ruining any sort of musical credibility I might have achieved) Avril Lavigne...but, perhaps there'll be others. Interesting fact of the day, random pic of the day, strange webcomics and flash? I think yes.

So...for the rest of your musical enjoyment, songs approved by yours truly. Garbage is an alternative band led by the famous Shirley what's her name...and of course their new CD came out a while track. I'll admit right now that I've never heard their older stuff, so I can't compare, but all of the songs sure are sexy and playful. This is track one, "Bad Boyfriend". I think this is one of those bands that you either love or hate, though, so don't blame me if it's not to your taste...
Download: Garbage-Bad Boyfriend

I'm sure you all remember a little band called Blink 182, whom broke up a while back (yeah, yeah, indefinite hiatus...we all know what that means. And even if we don't, we'll pretend to. They broke up. A great joy to some and a shame to others.) Anyway, to refresh your memories of this pop punk trio from San Diego, here's the song "Emo" from one of their classic albums, Dude Ranch
Download: Emo-Blink 182



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